To make viture out of necessity

I loiter around in a daze at Raffles Quay ...My soul is nowhere, am very quiet which anyone will tell you is unusual for me . I'm preoccupied, completely engrossed in thought or rather I'm lost and lost the ability to arrange them. For the first time I felt myself being VERY indecisive, irrational & impulsive.

That very moment I stepped out from that door , the world collapse on me. I felt exactly like a piece of shit or even worst than that.. It scared the shit out of me , uncertainty and ambiguity lead to such a extend that the sense of fear overcome me. After all, I'm not that brave and daring but a plain Coward & I gonna admit it.


This's gonna be a really big turning point in my life... am I really up to it ?!
Sometimes I asked myself if I'm asking for a Bang & Oulfsen over SONY ?
Am I a self-motivator or a demotivator seeking challenger ?!
Who and what exactly am I .. I thought I know myself to a certain extend but one snobbish women came right up to my face indirectly tell me that I sux . For a moment, I thought so but I realised you sux as much as I do.. I felt shameful for you that you had such low EQ given your designation.

I'm disappointed for a lot of different things and ppl. Tonight, I just feel like a wall has fallen on me and even though I know I'm strong enough to move, I feel paralyzed. Maybe I ask too much. Maybe I think, for just this one time, things will be or end differently. Maybe, after all of the fighting, I'm wrong. Maybe all of this, isn't worth fighting for, at all.

At this point in time,I need to take a deep breath and get a balanced view of the situation so that I'm able to face the challenges ahead. Damn that women again for making me a laughing stock. Laugh for all you want for I'm not afraid b'cos when u laugh, I learnt and your integrity is proven.

When u most wanted mi outta this game , sorry but I'M GAME FOR IT !

Shawty, 23 Dec'09